Expectation is a fixed script, it says: This better happen, or…
When reality doesn’t match the scene you storyboarded, you get disappointed.
Hope works differently.
Hope says: Something good can still grow out of nothing.
It’s forward-facing energy without the demand for what the outcome looks like.
I’ve been thinking about what happens if we let go of all expectations.
Not just the heavy, stressful ones, but every form of anticipatory belief.
From a neuroscience lens, our brains are wired to run on prediction. Dopamine, the chemical we shorthand as “pleasure,” actually spikes when we anticipate a reward, not when it arrives (Schultz, Dayan, & Montague, 1997). That surge is what pulls us into trying again, what fuels the loop of learning and persistence. Remove every expectation, and I think we’d flatten that curve. You get calm, maybe, but you also remove the spark that says: this might work or fail miserably – let’s try and see.
Clinical psychology has a word for what happens when that spark dies: learned helplessness (I’ve spent literal years of my life trying to help people with this mindset because I had a bit of a savior complex). Without any belief that something can change – or be made… effort starts to feel pointless. ACT, mindfulness, even the old stoic philosophers, they all release the rigidity of outcomes, but still hold on to a direction, a value, a thread of meaning worth following.
If everyone truly let go of expectations, we’d still meet our immediate needs. We’d eat, rest, seek comfort, connect, but the longer arcs of ambition might be gone. I think innovation would stall. Some art would disappear. Without an imagined “what could be,” passion would have less resources to draw from.
What I’ve learned so far (and I am still learning…) There is a balance.
Expectations can narrow our field of vision. Hope widens it.
Passion doesn’t require certainty, but it needs a spark, an idea of the future – something to strive towards.
Expectation says: I need to be right.
Hope says: Stay open. Something could happen here.
Too much detachment, and we risk sanding down the edges where meaning happens.
Too much expectation, and we risk crushing possibility under the weight of one perfect plan.
Here’s where my mind is at:
- Let go of the exact destination, but keep the engine well-lit.
- Trade “this, or nothing” for “Let’s see what grows.”
- Surround yourself with people who lights you up.
Passion is not born from knowing exactly what’s ahead, it’s born from caring enough to keep walking.
I’m Emi Linds, and I believe hope is a skill and a choice.
A choice I’ll keep fighting for. 🙂
–
Schultz, W., Dayan, P., & Montague, P. R. (1997). A neural substrate of prediction and reward. Science, 275(5306), 1593 – 1599. https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.275.5306.1593
Home » Notes to Self » Hope and “letting go of expectations”
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Hope and “letting go of expectations”
Expectation is a fixed script, it says: This better happen, or…
When reality doesn’t match the scene you storyboarded, you get disappointed.
Hope works differently.
Hope says: Something good can still grow out of nothing.
It’s forward-facing energy without the demand for what the outcome looks like.
I’ve been thinking about what happens if we let go of all expectations.
Not just the heavy, stressful ones, but every form of anticipatory belief.
From a neuroscience lens, our brains are wired to run on prediction. Dopamine, the chemical we shorthand as “pleasure,” actually spikes when we anticipate a reward, not when it arrives (Schultz, Dayan, & Montague, 1997). That surge is what pulls us into trying again, what fuels the loop of learning and persistence. Remove every expectation, and I think we’d flatten that curve. You get calm, maybe, but you also remove the spark that says: this might work or fail miserably – let’s try and see.
Clinical psychology has a word for what happens when that spark dies: learned helplessness (I’ve spent literal years of my life trying to help people with this mindset because I had a bit of a savior complex). Without any belief that something can change – or be made… effort starts to feel pointless. ACT, mindfulness, even the old stoic philosophers, they all release the rigidity of outcomes, but still hold on to a direction, a value, a thread of meaning worth following.
If everyone truly let go of expectations, we’d still meet our immediate needs. We’d eat, rest, seek comfort, connect, but the longer arcs of ambition might be gone. I think innovation would stall. Some art would disappear. Without an imagined “what could be,” passion would have less resources to draw from.
What I’ve learned so far (and I am still learning…) There is a balance.
Expectations can narrow our field of vision. Hope widens it.
Passion doesn’t require certainty, but it needs a spark, an idea of the future – something to strive towards.
Expectation says: I need to be right.
Hope says: Stay open. Something could happen here.
Too much detachment, and we risk sanding down the edges where meaning happens.
Too much expectation, and we risk crushing possibility under the weight of one perfect plan.
Here’s where my mind is at:
Passion is not born from knowing exactly what’s ahead, it’s born from caring enough to keep walking.
I’m Emi Linds, and I believe hope is a skill and a choice.
A choice I’ll keep fighting for. 🙂
–
Schultz, W., Dayan, P., & Montague, P. R. (1997). A neural substrate of prediction and reward. Science, 275(5306), 1593 – 1599. https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.275.5306.1593
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